Yes, Anna, I do believe in karma.
For those of you who haven’t heard about my sister sliding down a flight of stairs on night, I tripped the next day, dropping my laptop, a glass of water, busting my iPhone. $120 later I know it was because I laughed at her. Karma.
Well this morning it happened again. I walked outside to find one of my neighbor’s 8 roosters that crow NONSTOP dead in the street.
Side note- Have all the farmers I’ve encountered in my 26 years trained their roosters to only crow in the morning? Shouldn’t there be an ordinance about how many roosters you can keep in the city limits? Has anyone heard of rooster shock collars? Why would anyone need 8 roosters, wouldn’t one rooster get the job done with 10 hens? These are all questions I want answered.
Anyway, one of the little terrorists died this morning and I can’t say that I feel sorry for him. A few neighbors were looking at him from their balcony across the street and I said “Good riddance” out loud, one neighbor said “Good dinner.” That’s karma Rooster. Let that be a warning to the rest of your comrades keeping me up at night.
So, as I’m standing over Rooster gloating at his death, contemplating if taking a photo would be over the top, and hoping that he has a communicable disease that will soon wipe out his entire clan; his owner came out of another house with a look of horror on her face. Apparently the murder just took place. Maybe she thought to herself “I haven’t heard Rooster #5 crowing in the last 15 minutes, I wonder if anything has happened to him, maybe I’ll go check.”
Now this is my favorite part- she looked down at him and then looked at me, and actually assumed I killed him!!! “You did this?” she said. “No ma’am, I did not” I answered and walked away. But what I wanted to say was “Lady, I’m wearing white slacks from the Gap. Do I really look like I just killed a rooster?”
OBVIOUSLY if I was going to kill her roosters I would dress in black and sneak out of the house in the middle of the night with one of those coconut slicing machetes and a slingshot… not that I lay in bed at 4 a.m. planning my attack or anything. To do list today: researching if rooster murder is a punishable offense on this island.
Absolutely hilarious! You and Adam are high on my blog list!
ReplyDeleteHILARIOUS! If I ever see you wearing black pants and I'm running in the opposite direction and screaming just so you know.
ReplyDeleteOh, I miss you, Pearl!
ReplyDeleteYou are ridiculous.
ReplyDeletehahaha!!!!! Your blog posts are my favorite (well, you and Adam tie). I can totally imagine you telling the stories, talking with your hands, etc. Better not gloat too much about the dead rooster, though, or you may have some karma coming your way!
ReplyDeleteIf the rooster's owner only knew the story of Valerie as young child, who went to put her beloved 4-H project chickens to bed, but instead discovered they had been murdered by a predator,and how distraught she was upon finding them all dead, that woman would KNOW you couldn't be capable of such an act! Instead she would blame your older sisters, who locked you in the pen with the dead chickens!
ReplyDeleteWhatever, chicken killer.
ReplyDeleteValerie. Why do you hate the rooster? I mean, in 15 minutes it is possible for you to have worn black, done the awful crime, changed into white pants, only to be found innocently gazing at the results of your crime spree. It could happen.
ReplyDelete(All of that CSI and Numb3rs is paying off. Right. Now.)